I wrote this some years ago, but wasn't sure I wanted to include it here. But a conversation yesterday reminded me of it, and I think that if it was important enough for me to write then it's worth sharing. So here it is.
Writing is hard
Today's game was emotionally hard for me to run. When I plotted the current story line some months ago, I knew I had to play out one scene that, well, every time I rehearsed the dialogue to myself I just broke down.
I'm not sure if people who don't play RPGs realise how attached you can get to a character.
One of the very first characters I created for the original Strikeforce game was Astra. Originally a villain, then as I developed her background I realised she worked better as a hero, and eventually she joined Strikeforce and grew into a better person than I ever could have planned for. Grew from a timid and unsure teenage girl coerced into crime, into a strong, confident, and capable woman.
Maybe it sounds stupid to talk like this about a fictional character—particularly one that I had created myself—but I was so proud of her. And I guess I loved her, as much as you can love a fictional character.
And the players reinforced that. They took the character to their hearts, and literally enabled, even pushed through, the story arc that saw her transition to a hero. Their characters completely embraced Astra as a friend and comrade. As usual, it's the players who are responsible for making the game work, not me. When I ran a scenario that was literally Astra's 18th birthday party, everyone put effort into picking the perfect gifts. When her boyfriend cheated on her, one of the players sat in the kitchen with me and in-character we ate ice cream together. (And I'm going to completely gloss over how weird it is for a grown man to act the part of a teenage girl having a birthday party; that's just how games work.)
When I moved the game "Twenty Years Later", Astra returned as an adult, and everyone knew that was the right thing to happen.
Then, when I started filling in the historical eras of the story, a big part of that was filling in Astra's genealogy. (See if you can spot her ancestor in the Atlantis story. Your clue is that "Setara" means "Star" in Persian, and as we all know, Persian is one of the languages rooted in ancient Atlantean.)
Ok, if you're still here, I'm getting to the point now.
The current phase of the game is set in 1975, and is a prequel story set 12 years before the original Strikeforce story.
So the current crop of player-run heroes are gathered at Wang's shop in San Francisco's Chinatown, in 1975, to discuss their plan to take down the local crime boss (which is the main plot of the current game). The characters don't know Wang, even though the players do. Wang is a minor character in the Strikeforce story, and I hope the players think that I've introduced the younger version of him here to tell his background story as an "easter egg" for them, irrelevant to the actual plot. But I'm not telling Wang's story. I'm telling Astra's.
Wang sells cheap souvenirs to tourists. There are three of them in the shop right now: a young couple and their four-year-old daughter. While the player-characters watch (but don't intervene, because it's nothing to do with their plot, it's just a side scene I'm playing out for their benefit), the girl asks her father to buy her a colourful paper lantern for $5. Her father tells her it's over-priced rubbish and refuses. The girl is upset.
And then Wang, who I've spent the last couple of weeks establishing as a short-tempered, self-absorbed, money-grabbing con-man, inexplicably kneels down and hands the girl a lantern. And says—and this is the dialogue that kills me, and you won't understand it unless you know the history of Strikeforce, and Wang, and especially Astra, and I think I hold it together so my friends don't notice, I think I say it without my voice cracking—
"For you, little girl, it will never cost five dollars."
And Astra leaves the shop with her parents, and minutes later there's huge smashing noise outside, and the heroes rush out to find both parents dead in a car crash.
I've just orphaned my favourite character.
Because that's already part of her history, it was established when I first introduced her all those years ago. But knowing it has happened is different from describing it happening.
It's so different.
It's so hard.





